Tarnished
by Cheile
Summary: She would not allow her painful past to taint her future. [pre-canon]


**Author's note: This story is technically a prequel to my upcoming novella "The Darkest Hour" but can also stand alone as a general pre-canon piece. Partial inspiration comes by way of the gorgeous piano piece "Unsayable" by Brambles. (thanks to Zoey for the song recommend!) Written both for Caesar's Palace August monthly challenge and the Hostile Takeover's theme writing challenge, prompt "loss".  
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 **Legal B.S.: seaQuest DSV and its canon characters are copyright to Rockne O'Bannon, Amblin and NBC. I'm just a devoted fan.**

 **Thanks to AppleBlossom and Darkin for beta-reading.**

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 _Tarnished_

The thick low-hanging blanket of stratus lay like a funereal pall over Baltimore's towers and skyscrapers, the thick humidity almost stifling and the clouds heavy with all the warning signs of a potential storm. Despite the gray day, residents and tourists alike were out and about on the streets, most not the least deterred by the threat of the impending rain that could come pouring down at any given moment. But the dismal weather matched Katie's mood. The dense clouds were akin to the emotional weight that lay on her shoulders.

It was to be expected, since today marked the death of her marriage.

When she'd first met Ben, she hadn't imagined anything more than friendship. She certainly hadn't expected to fall in love with him, much less agree to his impulsive proposal three months into their first tour. After having Captain Matheson marry them and a four-day whirlwind honeymoon of sorts during shore leave in Copenhagen, she'd been reassigned once the _Eisenhower_ returned to the States. For awhile, she thought that they could make it work, especially since her new assignment had her stateside while Ben remained on the _Eisenhower_. It meant being restricted to vidlink calls and little chance of seeing each other in person again for months at a time, but then that was the military way of life.

But her accident had changed everything, an unexpected injury that nearly killed her. At the beginning, Ben had been supportive and caring, even to the point of taking extended leave that left his own career in limbo so that she did not have to be alone during her long and painful recovery. As time continued to pass and she struggled to find her footing, his attitude had turned from compassionate to downright insensitive.

To Katie, that was the worst part of it all—that he had emotionally deserted her when she'd needed his support the most. The memory of his callous words were like a knife to her soul. It had been mere weeks and yet he expected her to have moved past what had happened—and lost patience with her when she couldn't let go of her pain as quickly as he insisted she should. And she had originally thought his sadness was equal to her own. Any lingering doubt that he might have still cared was destroyed the moment she told him to get out of her sight and his response was to walk out the door.

So much for loving her beyond measure. Then again, when had Ben ever cared about anyone other than himself? It was her own fault, really. She'd seen the evidence herself and had chosen to remain in denial. But no more.

A warning rumble of thunder outside preceded the soft patter of raindrops against the glass. She moved to the window, looking down on the street below, wondering if she might see Ben's familiar figure hurrying into the building to escape the rain. Despite her anger at him, a little foolish voice in her head taunted her with the hopeful idea of him showing up out of the blue and being willing to discuss reconciliation. But as an hour passed, then two—the rain increasing from a mild drizzle to a steady beat—she realized that her optimism had been in vain.

Resentment flared anew as she returned to the kitchen area where she'd left her keys and cell phone. Snatching up the latter, she tapped out a quick text to Ben's number to inform him the papers would be found on the kitchen table and to return them to the attorney's office.

She then yanked the ring off her finger, dropping it onto the table next to the envelope. The slender silver band gleamed dully against the polished wood, the symbol of a promise now irreparably broken. Turning her back on it, she scooped up her backpack and left the apartment.

Stepping through the building's main door a few minutes later, she discovered that the rain had amplified to a drenching downpour. Uncaring of the fact that she had no protection from the storm, she plunged out into the deluge. It was a ten block walk to her friend's apartment, but she didn't care about the fact that Libbi would fret over her refusal to take a cab or even that the long walk would likely cause her to catch a cold. Such mundane things no longer mattered to her; she'd endured too many things over the past ten years—her father's death, her own near-fatal injury and now Ben's cruel betrayal.

 _None of that matters_. She glared into the sheeting rain as she walked, forcing herself to mentally recite that mantra with every step. She would not give in to stupidity in the form of tears. She would not allow herself to let her emotions get carried away over this. She had survived all of the pain that had come before and she intended to survive this. She didn't need Ben. She didn't need anyone but herself.

She had her whole future stretched out before her. There was nowhere to look but ahead.

 ***fin***


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